If you are newly single and are starting to look for the next right person, you might be tempted to try everything that’s available to help you to meet the love of your life. The problem is that many people, in the blind rush to find the next right person, think that they just need to fall over heels with somebody and everything else will follow.
Unfortunately, a lot of people join a general dating website, instead of focusing on their core values, like specific interest (e.g outdoor or culture dating sites), type of faith (e.g Christian Dating Sites) or age-appropriate dating websites (e.g. over 50’s dating sites).
Often, that’s not the case and when the rose-tinted glasses fall off, they realise they are dating somebody with whom they have nothing in common.
When it comes to love, people often say that opposites attract. This might be true in many cases, but what if you have such different values to your partner that you find you simply can’t compromise?
be clear on what values are important to you
I think a much better way of meeting someone is to be clear on what are your own values, what’s most important to you and what you can’t compromise on. You’ll save yourself a lot of heartache in the long run.
Let me give you an example of what I mean. You meet a lovely man and everything is going well, until few months into the relationship, you find out that, whilst he is happy to go along and join you for a short walking trip, walking is not really his passion. So when you suggest that your favourite way of spending a holiday is to go on a walking trek in the mountains, he answers that he’d prefer a holiday lounging by the beach.
It might sound very trivial at first because you think that a good relationship is about compromise and so you go along on that all-inclusive holiday, which you hate. Then you realise that, as much as you love your new man, you can’t imagine living with a couch potato!
Join niche (or themed) dating websites
The world of online dating can be very daunting, especially if you are newly single. Rather than joining a general online dating website, why not join one that aligns with your core values. For example, if your faith is very important to you, joining a niche dating website like Date Christian Singles makes perfect sense.
This way, you know that no matter who you meet through the online app, you will already have something in common and you are more likely to find a long term partner than just a fleeting romance. Make sure that your profile is honestly completed and is as accurate as possible.
First impressions are important, so make sure you use a good quality picture that portrays you well. By this, I mean if you normally don’t wear a lot of makeup, use a natural photo or use a photo from your natural environment (e.g if you like travelling a lot, use a photo from holidays). This gives people a good idea of what to expect. Don’t be afraid to mention what you are looking for in your next partner, for instance, age, height or personality type.
Decide on what values you don’t want to compromise on
If, for example, political values are very important to you and you meet somebody with the opposite political ideas, it might impact on your daily life more than you think. The chances are that your friends will support your political beliefs, and your partner will naturally seek friends in the opposite political camp. This might amount to lively discussions at a dinner table, but equally, it could escalate to rows, disillusionment with your partner and possible break up.
Similarly, you shouldn’t underestimate how strong ethnic or cultural heritage and faith can be. You might be able to navigate fine through this, but what happens when your families and friends meet or when you have children and you would like them to be brought up in your faith, but your partner wants them to follow his?
start with where you are at the moment
Another good way to meet somebody who shares the same values is to start a conversation with somebody new in your familiar settings. For example, if you love to visit museums or galleries, how about starting to talk to somebody you see admiring the same painting.
The conversation is much easier if you have something in common in the first place and you never know you might end up going for a coffee in the museum’s tea room and having a pleasant afternoon talking about your favourite artist.
maximise your opportunity to meet the right person
For example, if you love music, find a music festival that you’d like to attend and pluck up the courage and book a ticket. But rather than being nervous about randomly meeting somebody when you arrive, try to find out if there is a fan’s group on social media and join the group before you go. You can meet people virtually first so that when you arrive, you’ll already have a good idea who you’d like to spend more time with.
It makes much more sense to meet people who share your core values, than random strangers on the dating scene. Even if you don’t meet the right one, you’ll enjoy doing an activity you like, and you might even end up with a good friend!